Operation Bubbies: Inducing Lacation

Yep. I'm doing it. I'm going to try to induce lactation.

I've done a lot of reading, praying, soul-searching about it the last several months, and I've decided that I want to give it a shot.

There are a lot of things I'm worried about having a negative effect on my ability to produce milk, specifically smaller breasts and PCOS. And even though there are a lot of different ways to try to induce lactation, even ways without any sort of medications, I've decided to go the full-blown medicated route. And that means getting back on a birth control pill.

I know. I never thought I would be doing that ever again. But I am, and here's why:

• As mentioned above, I am concerned that I have some obstacles that will make it hard or impossible to induce lactation. Using the birth control pill and domperidone to simulate pregnancy gives me the best chance for breast tissue to develop and my bubbies to get into the best condition possible.
• I consulted a Catholic bio-ethics group, and given that I am not ovulating on my own, essentially "broken" when it comes to my reproductive system, I can go on it without having to worry about abstaining from marital relations. This certainly isn't about preventing pregnancy; it's about providing for our future child in a way that is very important to me.
• Speaking of "broken," I'm already broken in the lady part area, so I essentially don't care about the possible side effects synthetic hormones might have on my body. It really can't get much more broken than it already is.
• It would just be so awesome to be able to breastfeed. Chances are small that I will be able to produce 100% of baby's needs, but I've decided that if I can produce some, it will be worth any risk I'm incurring by choosing this lactation induction protocol.

Dr. K at PP.VI would not prescribe the BCP to me, and on one hand I see why, but on the other, I'm disappointed. Again, clearly my body isn't ovulating/functioning, I have factors that could make induction more difficult, and the goal is to provide life-sustaining food to my future child, not to prevent pregnancy or mask systems of a troubled reproductive system. We didn't even have a conversation about it, just an email from the nurse team that Dr. K "doesn't prescribe the birth control pill." End of story.

I went to my physician's assistant, who prescribed the BCP for me no problem. This actually made me uncomfortable, but relieved. We had a long discussion about which type to prescribe me. At one point, I asked about natural vs. synthetic hormones, and she said something about how she doesn't see a difference between the two, and she believes BCP to be an excellent "treatment" for "tons of things," including PCOS and acne. After really clinging to a philosophy and science that says the opposite is true for so long and still believing that BCP is not a treatment for anything, just a band-aid that masks symptoms, it was hard to hear that from someone I entrusting my health to.

So yes, I'm doing this. I'll start the protocol once my domperidone pills arrive, and I'll be in this stage of the protocol anywhere from 3-9 months. The timing of our match will determine how long I stay in this stage; I might not even make it to 3 months (squee!).

So yes, Operations Bubbies is underway. Please please please let this be successful. Please let my body do something motherly for once!

Babymoon I - The Netherlands & Belgium

After being awake for 22 hours as we made the long haul back from Europe, we are home from our fabulous vacation that we booked before we committed to adoption and slept in our bed last night for the first time in 12 days. There have been times where I have felt guilty about booking this trip and looking forward to it because of how much help we've needed to get ready to adopt sooner than later. In the end, I am very glad we went because we celebrated so many things, including our marriage and the blessings that make trips like these possible and finally getting to a place in this journey to parenthood that has us excited and filled with hope. The truth is, if we hadn't booked this before deciding to adopt, there's no way we would have planned a trip like this, and after all we've been through together the past 2+ years, we really needed to go. I do mean to use the word need. We have lived too long in a very painful "what-if" land of disappointing hope and serious grief. We needed this trip.

It seems silly that nearly 9 months ago, when we booked the trip, I allowed myself to worry that I might be pregnant and we'd have to cancel the trip or I wouldn't be able to drink alcohol or do anything too adventurous on the trip.

And why is the post titled "Babymoon I"? Because I have this feeling we'll be waiting long enough to have a Babymoon II. It won't be as extravagant as this trip, and I have no idea what it would be, but I see another trip in our future before we bring a baby home.

There are a million pictures and memories to sort through, but here are the highlights.

We spent 3 nights in Amsterdam in a rented houseboat on one of the canals in the Jordaan district. We rented bikes and got all around town. Sights we saw included the Anne Frank House, the Rijksmuseum, the Van Gogh Museum, and the Boom Chicago improv comedy troop. We also went to a real European spa day at a resort about a 30 minute bike ride out of Central Amsterdam (no clothes, no one caring, massages, and countless different pools/saunas, etc.).

Then, we went on a 7 night cruise and visited Antwerp, Ghent, Bruges, Brussels, and a few small towns that had windmills and beautiful countrysides. We were the youngest couple on the cruise by far and did our own thing away from the groups as much as possible, hopping on the bikes the ship had and finding our own adventures. Although we've decided that we will not be cruising again anytime soon (it's so not our style adventure-wise), we had a marvelous time. The cruise had a beer theme, so we were bombarded with lots of special (mostly Belgian) beers and a few really awesome brewery tours. I don't think I'll be drinking much for the next month as I am "beered out"!

I am also "fooded out." We. Ate. So. Much. It was all delicious, but man, I am DONE with three-course meals for a while! Another drawback of the cruise was the food. Holy cow, it was delicious, but there was so much, and when you've paid for it in an all-inclusive fee and it's in front of you all the time, it's hard no to eat it. I am up 6 lbs. from the trip!

Lastly, we found a very special beer in Brussels that we are saving for when we get "the call" (that we've been matched with a child to adopt). It is called Westvleteren 12, and it is made by the monks at the Trappist Abbey of Saint Sixtus in Vleteren, Belgium. The beer is sold only to support the monastery and is rarely found anywhere in the US, and it was even a little hard to find on the trip.

The weather was not the best, but it was perfectly normal weather for The Netherlands in late March/early April. I did not pack appropriately, as 45 degrees in Nebraska feels much different than a rainy 45 degrees in The Netherlands. I did not bring enough warmer shirts and found myself picking out hideous additions to my wardrobe from H&M out of necessity.

Our first meal in The Netherlands - savory pancakes

Fish at an open market

The view from our houseboat (pardon the rain)

Houseboat buddies

Cogels Osylei neighborhood in Antwerp

Middleheim Park in Antwerp - really amazing park and sculpture garden

Cantillon Brewery in Brussels

Marzipan galore in Brussels

We told the cruise ship that we were celebrating a birthday and an anniversary. They threw in a honeymoon celebration too, so on three different nights, we had cake and song at dinner and stuff like this in our room!

Keukenhof Gardens in Amsterdam. We were a little too early for all the fields to be in bloom, but this garden attraction was beautiful.

I will forever see tulips in the US as lame compared to all the incredible varieties we saw.