Remember how excited I was to enter into my first two week wait? Yeah... denied again. I started bleeding on CD 5, and I had a good 7 days of red stamps - most days were barely there brown spotting. Great. So I waited a few more days after that, took a pregnancy test at P+14 just to be sure (negative, duh), then sent in my chart. Here's what happened/is happened (note from the doctor):

Your progesterone is less than 0.20 and estradiol is 3.1. Dr recommend to do progesterone 100mg (2ml) intramuscular shots every 3 days for 3 doses. The progesterone shots will help induce a menses. Dr recommends next cycle to stop clomid and take Letrozole instead 25mg (10 tablets) on cycle day 3. Regarding having period shortly after peak day, Dr states hard to know, possibly drop in estrogen. Regarding the brown spotting, it can be inflammation, may be due to chronic endometritis (infection in uterus) Recommends Biaxin 500mg twice daily for you and your husband for 21 days with probiotic.

Great... so obviously I didn't respond well to Clomid. I took my third progesterone shot 2 days ago, and KK and I are about a week into our nasty antibiotic adventure: bad breath, digestive issues, zits everywhere, etc. KK is taking this especially hard, since he has not done much medically on this journey (other then the semen analysis and taking vitamins). Emotions were heightened around this a few days ago, and we had to take a big step back and remember that being with each other is more important than conceiving or becoming parents. So, we're in a good place with it all now, but it is always work to keep it a good place.

So yup... still haven't had a two week wait. Seriously, who are we kidding? Two years into this, and never a healthy cycle that gave us reason to hope. I'm fine with continuing with doctor's recommendations for now, because hopefully it will lead to a healthier me. But, I'm all about the adoption process now.

Adoption. That is where I find hope - real hope - in becoming a parent. It's so exciting to know that our birth parents already exist and already need our prayers, and it's also very exciting to think that the child we'll be selected to raise could already be conceived! That this might be our last holidays without a child gives me goosebumps. Our first home study visit is in two days - just two weeks after turning in our application! I am beyond excited, and so is KK. That we are on the same page and 100% into the adoption process makes me very happy. But the stress that comes along with all of this is tough, too.

Also, we put our house in Missouri on the market again in hopes that we can sell it! We couldn't sell it when we moved last year and have it rented out through November. We have no intention of buying another house in the future (we rent now), so we would use some of the money from the sale for our adoption costs.

God, please grant KK and me patience and understanding with each other during this adoption process. Help us to remember that parenthood isn't for us if we can't be good to each other. Please bless our social worker and help her to see how genuine our intentions are and how good of parents we will be. Bless our future child's birth parents, and if the little one is already conceived, please keep him or her healthy and safe.

St. Joseph, I'm sorry we buried a little statue of you last year and never dug you back up. Please intercede for us and help this house get sold!