Have you heard the story Welcome to Holland? It's about giving birth to a special needs child. You thought you'd have an average "healthy" baby, or you were planning on taking a trip to beautiful Venice. You didn't plan on having a special needs child, or "going to Holland," but once you're there, it is absolutely beautiful, and there's nowhere else you'd rather be. That's the gist of it.
So, I think we're on our way to Holland, in more ways than one. Yes, we have this super-awesome-gonna-be-amazing trip planned for late March, but we've also officially "bought" our tickets for a different sort of trip - we're adopting! Yes, for sure. Yes, we're excited. And in no way does this feel like a runner up choice to pregnancy. It feels like we're about to go on an amazing trip! Is it Venice, no. But it's Holland, and it's going to be amazing, and now that we're at this part of the journey, I almost can't imagine going anywhere but Holland. I think I want Venice because everyone goes to Venice. You're supposed to go to Venice. And maybe we'll go someday, and that would be thrilling. But I'm just as excited to go to Holland, because I'm pretty sure we'll actually make it there, and the ultimate result, the chance to be parents together, is what it's all about for us.
So, the next steps are to apply for the home study (we are going with a national agency) and work with the agency on our profile and questionnaire. We're no longer nervous to discuss what sorts of special needs and medical histories we would be open to because, thanks to this great book, we are no longer afraid of the special circumstances that come with adoption. Would we get to pick/choose what sort of biological child we could have? No, absolutely not, but with adoption, it is a necessary part of the process to decide what you are and are not open to, and it's best for all involved that adoptive families prayerfully consider what they believe they can handle at this point in their lives.
What's probably most exciting for me right now is that the home study agency has no wait list, so the only thing keeping us from setting up the visits is turning in the application! We'll do that this weekend, so we actually might have a completed home study by the holidays, go live with our profile right after the holidays, and we might be parents by Christmas 2015! I know there are plenty of variables that could get in the way, but this is the most hopeful I've been about parenthood in a long time, so I'm enjoying it.
Cycle update. I don't really know what's happening. My FCP didn't return my call until 5 days after I started bleeding on CD 5 (I haven't called her back). I had heavier red spotting on CDs 5-7, and then on CDs 8-11, I had very light, brown spotting. I don't think it was AF because I had no symptoms of cramping, sore breasts, etc. So, if I make it to Friday, CD 14, with no AF, I'll take a test on Saturday morning, and if it's negative (which I'm expecting), I'll send my chart in to the doc on Monday and see what they say.