Monday, September 15, 2014

My First Two Week Wait

So, the Clomid appears to be working, as I had several days of really great CM last week. Timing intercourse? Not a problem! It looks like Friday was my peak day, so I'll go in this Friday for my first "real" P+7 blood draw. (I went in once in August for a P+7, but I really didn't have a build up of fertile CM, and it wasn't really a peak day.)

While I still just want to have a cycle, I can't help but hope a little that maybe we'll be one of those (annoying) couples who have the story that "once we started Clomid, we got pregnant right away." And while I think it's good to have that sort of hope, I'm well aware from the blogs of all my IF sisters that TWWs are dangerous, and I need to be very careful.

I don't mean that my IF sisters have not been careful - quite the opposite! I've read a lot of posts about all the symptoms they experienced. They had every reason to believe that it was really happening to them, finally. I've also read the after-posts when it didn't happen, and it just breaks my heart for them every time. I'm so worried that I will be the same as them (why wouldn't I be?), and I just want to protect my heart.

I hereby promise that during this TWW I will not...
  1. Google pregnancy symptoms
  2. Switch up my eating/drinking patterns
  3. Take a pregnancy test
  4. Be upset when AF arrives
  5. Lose hope that God might have something miraculous up his sleeve this month.
I simply have had too much medical challenge up to this point for Clomid to be the last missing piece. I know that in my brain. My heart can't help but dream and hope that this part of the journey is almost over. And, it still might be almost over. I'd consider a healthy pregnancy in the next six months as "almost over."

Anyway, I enter this TWW with one foot in the "hoping for pregnancy" area and the other in the "hoping for AF" area. We'll see how good I am at actually guarding this heart of mine.

God, this TWW thing is new to me this month! Thank You for allowing us to get this far... things like AF and TWWs are parts of the IF journey that I haven't really experienced so far. I trust in You, and I know You can do great things. You know our hearts and our intentions. Please help us feel Your presence during these next 10-14 days and rejoice in whatever outcome awaits us this cycle. Please comfort my sisters in IF who are hurting so deeply this week because of this cross of IF and the pain that comes with it. Mary, my advocate and best friend, be with me and my sisters in IF this week and always.


  1. I like your hereby promises!! It can be soooo tempting to google symptoms, I've done it a bajillion times myself, but it never ends up being correct for me. Glad you'll be avoiding that unnecessary heartache!! My advice is to find lots of good distractors for the next two weeks... date nights, netflix, a new hobby! Anything to take your mind off of what's going on inside your uterus! Easier said than done, but hopefully helpful! Praying for you, my friend!

  2. No amount of my suffering at the end of a fruitless 2WW could make me forget that I had the opportunity to *have* one. Even with my hope crushed, I know that it is a gift to be able to experience a healthy enough cycle that you have reason to hope for more. And when the "more" is either outcome, that just seems like a beautiful thing. I think victory is already yours.

  3. Your attitude is AWESOME...far better than mine was during any TWW. Even if you do succumb to any of your promises, we won't judge you at all :) We've all been there! But praying for strength of mind and peace of heart during this TWW!!!

  4. Praying for you! The TWW is so hard. May you find peace and hope, no matter the outcome.