Monday, April 14, 2014

Be Careful What You Wish For

That's what someone said to me today at lunch when I shared that #1 on my bucket list is to become a mom.

What I wish I could have said back: "I've put more thought into becoming a parent than you," and a few other things that were very presumptive, much more presumptive than his comment.

It was a retreat day at work, and we had ice breaker questions over lunch, so that's where the what's-#1-on-your-bucket-list question came from. Most of my coworkers know nothing about my infertility, so it was a big deal to share that becoming a mother was #1 on my bucket list, because a bucket list is all about items that you hope to accomplish or things you would like to do in your lifetime. A lot of people see parenthood the same as other adulty-things - no big deal, something that just happens when you grow up, a sure thing if you want it. Sharing this today was a little way to acknowledge that yes, I do want to do this parenthood thing and yes, it might not happen.

So when that dude immediately said, "Be careful what you wish for," I wanted to tell him how lucky he is to be experiencing all the exasperating things he's experiencing as a father of young children.

The nice side of this conversation was that later on, when we were all sharing what makes us laugh the most, the coworker next to me, whom I don't know very well at all, said that her 2 year-old twins make her laugh the most. She turned to me and said that parenthood is a huge blessing that she and her husband waited for for a long time, and that every moment is just wonderful. It was like she was speaking in code to me, like she could tell what I meant earlier and had experienced some level of infertility personally. Her words meant so much in the moment.

So sure, be careful what you wish for. I've spent plenty of time the last 18+ months really thinking about parenthood - was I ready, do I want this, can I do this, etc. - and the answer is yes. I do want it. But does God want it for me? We'll see.

People who are already parents, like that male coworker today, have experience that I don't, so I can appreciate that maybe I don't know all what I'm praying to be in for. But in the same vein, I have experience that Mr. Be-careful-what-you-wish-for doesn't have - as a female dealing with infertility. I don't know if he and his wife suffered infertility (I'd like to think that someone who has experienced this wouldn't make a comment like that), but I do know that he doesn't know what it's like to be me in my shoes. I just pray that he has the same appreciation for life and parenthood that I have learned so far through this journey. I also pray that he never says that to anyone again. It was just unnecessary hurt. But thank God for the female coworker and her encouraging, supporting words.

Dear God, thanks for helping me to handle the comments today with grace. Help me to see what blessings I have in my life and be thankful for them, especially during this difficult time. In case You didn't know, I have thought a lot about parenthood, and I am 100% positive that I want to experience the highs/lows, joys/sorrow, blessings/crosses that come along with it. Please watch over my coworkers, friends, and family members as they experiences the ups/downs of parenthood.


  1. I am sorry that you were on the receiving end of a comment like that, Chella! It seems to happen all the time, doesn't it? We hear things one way, because of the hurt we have experienced, while others see situations through their own can be tough to navigate the minefield of others' comments, that to them seem harmless, but to us are devastating. Thank goodness for your female co-worker--it is so helpful to connect with others who have experienced similar trials. And in that sense, thank goodness for blogging!! :)

  2. Ugh, what a horrible thing to say! I like how you ended with a prayer. I have such a hard time with comments like that and really need to give them to Jesus because they are so hurtful. In contrast, the woman's comment was so kind!

    Nice to "meet" you! Blessings to you and your husband this Easter!