Tuesday, April 1, 2014

One of the Lucky Ones

I wrote this post (and a few others) while on a plane 3.28.14.

9:59 AM

I’m getting so much out of writing all of this down! This is great! I’m feeling very inspired to be candid and as real as possible, and the little prayers I am writing are bringing me great peace in this moment.

I’d like to fast forward a few years to when I really started to become an athlete for the first time in my life. My divorce was almost final, I was no longer a smoker, and I had a 5K or three under my belt. The running bug had bit me, and I was infected with no cure! I decided to go for my first-half marathon.

I was still on the pill. It wasn’t because I was sexually active, but I think I figured, “Why stop?” (Yeah… if I could turn back time…) I noticed that I wasn’t really getting a withdrawal bleed as my training intensified. Who knows if it was exercise-related amenorrhea (I now have my doubts). I have always maintained a very healthy BMI, even during my most intense training periods. Anyway, I asked my general doctor to refer me to an OB-GYN because I was worried.

“You are one of those lucky women,” the OB-GYN told me. “You just have very light, sometimes non-existent periods.” Some women, he explained, just react this way on the pill, and I should be grateful that I was “blessed” with these sort of lady parts.

Even though I had found my way back to God and the Catholic faith by this point, I still hadn’t embraced Theology of the Body* and didn’t see what was so dangerous (physically or spiritually) about the pill. So for about 4 and a half years, I stayed on the pill, happily having zero concern about my non-existent periods.
I think part of me will always wonder, “What if?” What if I had decided to give my body a break from the pill just to “reset” or see what would have happened? Would I have discovered some of the problems I’m dealing with now? Would I have avoided some of the problems I currently have? While I can’t always stop these thoughts from entering my head, I can redirect. I think events like this ultimately helped me get to a better place in the long-term scheme of my life, so I can’t dwell too much on the what-ifs.

God, thank You for where I am today. A gift, blessing, or change of heart realized later than sooner is better than never at all. I embrace the good You have given me today, along with the struggles. Please continue to bless me with the right gifts at the right time, according to Your will, not mine. Please do the same for anyone reading this.

They just announced final decent for this flight! I’m anxious to get home to familiar surroundings and spend some much needed time with my husband! I feel really good with what I’ve been able to record so far. I really hope I keep this going.

*I still can't believe after going to Catholic schools all my life, I never really understood Theology of the Body. I also can't believe that during marriage prep for our Catholic marriage, Theology of the Body was never discussed!

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