God, I go in for my 3 month post-op appointment tomorrow. I've waited 3 months and a few weeks for the chance to see my doctor post surgery to find out what's next. I had the highest high one month after surgery when I got my period. Now 75 days and one progesterone shot later, I am still waiting for the next one, and I'm in one of my lowest lows. I'm afraid to hear what the doctor is going to say. I'm afraid I'll be told to continue to wait. I'm afraid the action plan will be very little action. I'm afraid whatever action is taken will not result in conception. I'm afraid there is still a very long road to parenthood ahead of us that might not even lead us to this fulfilled desire. I'm afraid I will go to all these efforts to make something physically happen that was never meant to be. I'm afraid, I'm afraid, I'm afraid.
I place all my fears, all the uncertainties, all the pain into the hands of my dear mother and friend, Mary. I pray for courage to continue to seek better health, for the ability to cope with this burden with grace, and for continued faith that there is a divine plan in all of this that my human brain cannot comprehend.
Please, Mary, take my intentions and lay them at the feet of Jesus. Amen.